I normally try to keep these posts pretty professional. I'm not sure why. Somehow, deep down, I must think that out there somewhere someone who is reading this REALLY wants to offer me a job. And so, on and on I write about searching for that position. But, it's really scary. I'm a waitress (ok, a server). I pay, at the minimum, close to $1000 a month in student loans. I'm married, I have a mortgage, car payment, utilities, and a family to pay for. Some months I don't make enough to make ends meet. And my husband is wonderful (I don't think he really gets it though). We make it through, each month and each disaster. Even the dinner that got messed up earlier this week, we just bought calzones.
Generally the people around me don't get it. Don't get why I want to do what I want to do. "Why not go into HR? you have the skills." I don't want to get into HR, I want to work with students. I didn't study HR in grad school because students are my passion. Yes, people are right, I probably won't make a lot of money, and I probably will live in this crappy city for a while. But if I love my job and love what I do (like going to grad school) then what does it matter?
But you know what I just found? The most amazing thing in the universe (ok, maybe not the universe, but my little piece of the internet). A directory full of blogs written by people in student affairs. Graduate students, new professionals, associations, and the whole wide world of student affairs. So I browsed, and I clicked, and I wound up on a blog titled "I'm Terrified".
And then I realized I was terrified. But I'm not alone anymore. It was like the dear john letter I got yesterday didn't matter, or that I don't want to cook dinner didn't matter, or that I didn't make what I needed to make today didn't matter. I wasn't alone. I may not ever meet this fantastic person who wrote that blog, but she is out there. So I want to cry because I realized that the emotion I couldn't figure out has been terror, but I want to dance because I'm not the only one. (I'm also so excited to post this that I didn't proof read it properly, so I'm sorry.)