My Authentic Frustration

I presented during #NASPA16. My presentation did not focus on what I do professionally or my research area. I didn't propose the session, my name wasn't listed with it. But there I was, in front of a room talking about what it means to be authentic and professional while using social media.

But here's the rub: I'm having a hard time personally curating my Twitter feed in the past several weeks.

My job isn't very difficult, it's basic support staff stuff. But it does become hectic and chaotic with a lot of moving parts. The past few weeks we had many visitors through my office, I worked on multiple projects with people from other offices, and I had meetings of my own to attend. And I got frustrated. There were days when I was angry. There were days that when I got home I wondered why I should go back the next day. Normally, I would tweet about these things as ambiguously as possible but I don't feel "normal" online at the moment

A few weeks ago I got a call from a campus colleague regarding a student, and I was getting the call because the student is a student veteran. My colleague had heard through the grapevine that student veterans were my thing, my skill set. So we talked a bit about my background and she said something along the lines of "and your Twitter feed is so resourceful". Regardless of the fact that I've been blindsided by this random call, that a student is in need, and that someone on my campus actually knows I work with student veterans my brain stopped at that: your Twitter feed.

So who else is looking? Who else is using it as a way to find out information on student veterans? Is it ok that I'm angry with my current situation? Will that lead to fewer phone calls?

I go back to Brene Brown and only being able to control my behavior and other people's expectations are on them. I know this. I practice it. I ground myself and others with those words. But I can't get over the fact that someone looked me up on Twitter before calling me.

So who am I? Am I ok with being angry? Ok with being frustrated? Ok with putting those weird non-unicorn emotions into the universe?

I don't know. And so I might be quieter than usual until I figure out who am I and if I'm ok with being that person.

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